Alex Carrick’s Blog

A woman, working in a Tim Hortons donut shop in London Ontario, was recently fired for giving away one free “timbit” to a baby.

This has become a public relations nightmare for the company.

Timbits are the punched out centres of donuts – the empty holes, as it were – and, in some theoretical sense at least, may not even exist. This gets into a branch of quantum physics or Descartian philosophy with which I am not familiar.

Plus, I have personally experienced Tim Hortons staff members giving away timbits like candy. I’ll usually ask for only three coconut-covered chocolate timbits, knowing I’ll get six in the bag.

I don’t know all the facts in this case and so I’ll hold back further comment. There may be mitigating circumstances – such as the company being annoyed about how many free timbits I’ve gotten over the years.

However, this “timbit” affair has led me to consider other cases of questionable dismissals. Specifically, let’s ponder what may be the most bogus reasons to ever be fired.

The following are fake-life cases of individuals who might have been released for reasons that seem incomprehensible, once one thinks about the profession and what it takes to be a success in that line of work. 

(1) The mattress tester who suffered from narcolepsy. Sounds to me like he fell into his dream job.

(2) The sanitation worker with no sense of smell. Something about this firing was fishy.

(3) The public official in California who couldn’t spell the name … Shwartzeneger?  Shwartsenegger? Schwartzandhaggar? Shortsandagar? All right, I give up.

(4) The CEO who was short-sighted. Those financial quarters come around pretty quickly.

(5) The economist who was far-sighted. Yes, I’m feeling pretty smug about the way this one worked out so well.

(6) The merchant seaman who swore relentlessly as a result of tourette’s syndrome. He always faded into the background in a group of drunken sailors.

(7) The TV golf commentator who had a sore throat and couldn’t speak above a whisper. Have you ever watched those broadcasts and had to turn the volume way, way up? “He’s on the green now and asking for quiet from the crowd.”

(8) The lawyer who simply could not tell the truth. I thought that was a prerequisite.

(9) The travel writer who couldn’t sit still. This proves again that publishers are so very hard to please.

(10) The blogger with an obsessive-compulsive disorder. In the words of Robert De Niro as Travis Bickle in the movie Taxi Driver, “Are you looking at me? Are you looking at me?”

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The angel Ecanus was talking with the angel Gavreel in heaven’s lounge area. They’d had a hard day monitoring their charges in Borderline with Blemishes.

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For my first book, “Two Scoops” Is Just Right, please click here for the paperback version and here for the Kindle e-book version.

For the sequel, “Three Scoops” Is A Blast! (with the award-winning “Size of the Skip”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle.

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And finally, for my latest book, “Five Scoops” Is An Addiction!, please click here for the paperback and here for the Kindle digital version.

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