Alex Carrick’s Blog

I’ve come up with a parlour game that’s the mental equivalent of twiddling one’s thumbs. Think of an imaginary statement, proposition or news item that uses at least two popular song titles. Then consider what the reaction of an impartial observer might be.

Is this confusing? Read a few examples and you’ll quickly catch the drift.

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(1) REACTION: That’s something you don’t see every day. It’s also a noteworthy demonstration of grace under pressure.

STATEMENT: Take a look at me now, I’m on fire. (Phil Collins and Bruce Springsteen)

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(2) REACTION: When high-stepping of an evening, quality workmanship is important.

STATEMENT: These boots are made for walking, all along the watchtower. (Nancy Sinatra and Jimi Hendrix)

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(3) REACTION: What are you up to? Maybe I don’t want to know.

STATEMENT: Why is it every time you go away, I can’t find my sledgehammer. (Phil Collins and Peter Gabriel)

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(4) REACTION: Seems like a simple enough request on the surface.

STATEMENT: Please, earth angel, fly me to the moon. (Penguins/Crew Cuts and Frank Sinatra)

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(5) REACTION: I keep telling you, it’s dangerous in this neighbourhood.

STATMENT: Wildfire is burning down the house. (Michael Murphy and Talking Heads)

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(6) REACTION: Cowboy purists won’t like this, but Mary Kay workers will.

STATEMENT: Dreamboat Annie is driving her pink cadillac up and down the streets of Laredo. (Heart, Bruce Springsteen and Marty Robbins)

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(7) REACTION: Ooowww, I’m so scared. Rev up your engines, fellow bikers.

STATEMENT: I heard it through the grapevine. Mandy was voted leader of the pack. (Gladys Knight, Barry Manilow and Shangri-las)

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(8) REACTION: It’s important to offer encouragement to our best friends.

STATEMENT: Would you please try just a little bit harder to walk like an Egyptian. (Janis Joplin and the Bangles)

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(9) REACTION: Next thing you know, he’ll be buying a cell phone.

STATEMENT: Puff the magic dragon is leaving on a jet plane. (Peter, Paul and Mary)

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(10) REACTION: Maybe we should spend more time apart.

STATEMENT: I write the songs that make you crazy and give you a fever. (Barry Manilow, Peggy Lee and Patsy Cline)

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(11) REACTION: It’s a crying shame so many chemicals are making their way into the water system.

STATEMENT: When I drink from the rivers of Babylon, don’t it make my brown eyes blue. (Boney M and Crystal Gayle)

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(12) REACTION: That’s rude. Don’t demand. Ask nicely.

STATEMENT: Gimme shelter from the stormy weather on a rainy night in Georgia. (Rolling Stones, Lena Horne and Brook Benton)

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(13) REACTION: This sort of thing happens every day, in the tumultuous city.

STATEMENT: A big yellow taxi is stuck in the middle of traffic on Electric Avenue. (Joni Mitchell, Stealers Wheel and Eddy Grant)

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(14) REACTION: You have to realize when you’ve been beaten.

STATEMENT: The werewolves of London can’t fight the moonlight. (Warren Zevon and LeAnn Rimes)

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(15) REACTION: This is almost sure to turn out badly.

STATEMENT: I shot the sheriff in the wee small hours of the morning, south of the border. (Bob Marley and Frank Sinatra)

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(16) REACTION: Try not to jump to conclusions. Perhaps it truly is an unconventional route to career success.

STATEMENT: He’s a rebel working at the car wash. (The Crystals and Rose Royce)

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(17) REACTION: Most women have no trouble spotting one a mile away.

STATEMENT: I’m just a gigolo in a white sport coat. (David Lee Roth and Marty Robbins)

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(18) REACTION: What the mountain climber said to his partner on the cliff face.

STATEMENT: I wanna hold your hand. You keep me hangin’ on. (Beatles and Supremes)

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(19) REACTION: Unimaginative husbands everywhere use the same tired line on their wives.

STATEMENT: My doo wah diddy diddy is for your eyes only, dear. (Manfred Mann and Sheena Easton)

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(20) REACTION: Anyone who’s spent time in Washington in the summer will agree.

STATEMENT: It’s hot, hot hot. You might as well be walking on the sun. (Buster Poindexter and Smash Mouth)

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(21) REACTION: Jane explains to Tarzan the rudiments of human sexual technique.

STATEMENT: I am woman. You are missionary man. (Helen Reddy and Eurythmics)

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(22) REACTION: I should’ve listened when mom said, “Don’t stick that in there.”

STATEMENT: My thumb’s spending time in a bottle. But we can work it out. (Jim Croce and the Beatles)

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(23) REACTION: Some things in life simply aren’t worth the effort.

STATEMENT: I don’t want to set the world on fire. Besides, what’s the point? Here comes the rain again. (Ink Spots and Eurythmics)

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(24) REACTION: Okay then, as long as you’ve got a good excuse.

STATEMENT: I would walk 500 miles but I’m gonna stop right now cause it’s growing misty. (Proclaimers, Spice Girls and Sarah Vaughan)

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(25) REACTION: At your age, you’ve been driving long enough to know better.

STATEMENT: It’s twilight time. Put your lights on. (Platters, Santana and Everlast)

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(26) REACTION: You have to hope your steering wheel doesn’t lock.

STATEMENT: Life is a highway. Will it go round in circles? (Tom Cochrane and Billy Preston)

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Tapping another rich vein of comedy material is Crawlers and Spiders and the Art of Headline Puns.

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For my first book, “Two Scoops” Is Just Right, please click here for the paperback version and here for the Kindle version.

For the sequel, “Three Scoops” Is A Blast! (with the award-winning “Size of the Skip”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle.

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