Alex Carrick’s Blog

Sometimes, I feel worn out and I think I know what the problem is. It’s the extra five minutes. You must know what I mean. We’ve all been saddled with a whole list of extra chores that nominally are supposed to take five minutes each, but often take longer. Plus just about everything now takes five minutes more than it should or used to anyway.

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As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I’ve discovered (through virtually no research) that many of the place names in Canada still bear the names assigned to them by the original native peoples.

They knew what they were doing when they gave us some of our most unique calling cards. Here are some more examples. 
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You know your working day is probably going to seem “not too bad” only in retrospect when one or more of the following happens early on.

(1) The “chimmy changas” you ate last night have stopped dancing and have now turned surly.

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In an earlier blog entry, I introduced the possibility of celebrities, when their careers end or hit a dry spell, finding employment as “greeters” at Wal-Mart. Some of them would have rather obvious opening lines when you walk through the doors to go shopping.

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I’ve taken up roller blading. The joke is that it’s to save on gasoline. But it’s actually because I’ve done a lot of ice skating and how much harder can it be to roller blade?

Turns out, it’s a lot harder. Ice is slippery, but it’s flat. The roads I’ve been going on with my “blades” are both bumpy and hilly. The asphalt is pitted over most of its surface and worn away in other sections. I rarely take a stride when I don’t feel like I’m about to go down.

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You could tell these two had been at it, off and on, for years. The sparks were so intense and the language so extreme. Accusations were lobbed back and forth and concussive blasts figuratively shook the firmament. It was the dead of night, but the heat of anger made it seem bright as day.

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Now that I’m in my sixties, I have to work a little harder to remember that snow has provided some of the best moments of my life. When I’m out walking our dog, Daisy, after a heavy downfall, the beauty can leave me awestruck and feeling young again. The smell of the ozone goes straight to one’s pleasure centre and the skin tingles. When all is fresh and virgin white, no Christmas card can capture the moment.

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Fortune telling is a profession that seems to have fallen by the wayside. When some old black and white movie finds its way onto TV, it’s great to see a wild-eyed gypsy lady pull out her crystal ball and start to prognosticate. In most of these thrillers, after telling the truth, things don’t turn out well for the fortune teller.

Of course, economists are modern era fortune tellers, but that’s only a digression from my main topic today. What if the fortune-telling industry really knew what it was talking about? Who would be most affected?

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In the quest for mates, various species of Canadian males have their own unique and surprisingly successful “pick-up” or “come-on” lines they use in drinking establishments, shopping mall food courts and wherever else potential female companionship is to be found.

Here are a few of them. I know these are effective, because I’ve tried several of them on my wife and seen her swoon. She even offered the first one on her own, based on what I am sure was her “emotionally barren” pre-Alex history.

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Where did Kate Winslet come from? I mean the actress, not the person. Kate Winslet the person comes from the United Kingdom and a family with a background in the theatre. Kate Winslet the actress started life in a small film called Heavenly Creatures as an almost mindless teenager who commits a senseless and premeditated murder. Then she appeared in Titanic and her on-screen persona became larger than life.

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