Alex Carrick’s Blog

My family – wife and two daughters – had already re-located to Calgary. My job in the energy sector was taking me to where the action is, Alberta’s oil patch. I was staying behind temporarily to spend time with our real estate agent, trying to sell our townhome. It was mid-fall and we’d been conducting an open house all day.

Miranda was a petite young thing, an ethereal honey blonde, from one of Canada’s best-known realtors. I’d chosen the company based on its on-air advertisements and bus-bench signs. Poor Miranda, though, still had a lot to learn about the business. Her biggest problem was that she was too honest.

Newlyweds, older couples, single people, it didn’t matter. They’d show up at the front door, we’d invite them in and then Miranda would begin to point out all the flaws in the house. The roof leaked. There was no basement. The cupboard doors were falling off their hinges. None of the bathroom faucets was lined up perpendicular. Every tap dripped.

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In a vision, he’d once seen another seagull in a top hat dancing at the Trocadero. It was the most elegant thing ever. He became entranced by imagery and longed to give expression to his own special voice. There was no doubt, he was a poet at heart.

That’s what his girlfriend, Sandy Barr, told him. Never mind, he knew the truth anyway. He was always functioning with his head in the stratosphere. There was something about it that felt so right. He knew it was his true calling.

He was a vagabond, a troubadour, a traveling jester, riding the winds and sometimes performing for his meals. But he had higher aspirations. He wanted to put his experiences in words. His world was something that needed and cried out for sharing.

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A spate of public rudeness lately has raised the question of how society has come to this sorry pass. Kanye West in the world of hip hop, Serena Williams in tennis and Joe Wilson in Washington’s political hot house all stepped over the traditional bounds of civility in the past week. What are the trends that have taken us in this misdirection?

Upon first reflection, I blamed Omarosa. She was the one who was most unbearable in the opening season of Donald Trump’s “The Apprentice”. Unfortunately, it must be admitted that her wigged-out activities went a long way towards making that show a hit. We couldn’t take our eyes off her “train wreck”, whether we liked to admit it or not. Because bad behaviour pays, Omarosa has gone on to have a rewarding career.

But the history of behaving badly goes back much further than that. How about blaming running shoes? It was the “sneaker” companies and their ads – for example, “Just Do It” by Nike – that stressed attitude above all else. Politeness gets short shrift when “in your face” is the new mantra. Attitude has certainly been one artillery piece in the war to break down society’s norms and standards. But there’s more, based on popular culture.

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Now that the weather has turned a little cooler, it’s easy to grow nostalgic about the warm relaxing days of summer. But it’s worth remembering that those days weren’t perfect either.

I knew this day would come, so I wrote down a quick summary of some of the little annoyances that made me glad to get back to work in the fall.

You know you’ve had enough of your summer holiday when:

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At the end of the day, Donna and I lie in bed and send messages out over Twitter by way of our new i-phone. The following is one of our typical conversations.

ME: Ho het yourwelf a hoof bool to reaf? That’s not what I typed.

DONNA: What did you mean to say?

ME: Go get yourself a good book to read. I was just sending a message to all my friends on Twitter. The keypad on this i-phone is so small, my fingers are mangling my message.

DONNA: You’ll get the hang of it. It’s incredible technology.

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After recently acquiring Marvel Comics, Disney Corporation is apparently now going after an even bigger corporate prize, Hell Inc. In a surprise move, it has been learned that the devil is interested in selling his interest in the underworld and moving to Palm Springs. There’s something about the climate there that appeals to him.

The devil’s minions have been assured that they will retain prominent positions in the new entity. They will have key roles to play in each day’s closing parades at Disney’s various theme parks.

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To understand the current medical-coverage debate in the United States, you have to know your history. When President Bill Clinton was first elected, his wife Hillary took on the task of comparison shopping around the world to determine the best medical plans. The conclusion was that the most outstanding coverage was offered by Hogwarts Academy in the wizarding world.

A wave of a wand and broken bones were healed. The brewing of a potion and most other afflictions could be overcome. Moreover, the Hogwart’s plan was very comprehensive. For example, being a full or even a half muggle was not considered to be a pre-existing condition that would disqualify one from coverage.

The head of Hogwarts at the time, Albus Dumbledore, in discussions with Hillary, said that he would be pleased to make a similar plan available in the United States on one condition. He wanted something in return, the legalization of gay marriages. Hill and Bill on the Hill said that they would do what they could, but that change was more likely to come through state legislation.

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A weatherman, an economist and a little old gypsy lady were attending a forecasters’ convention. After all the speeches and the events of the first day, they met in a bar and had a few drinks together.

As the night wore on, they challenged each other to reveal their worst forecasting errors.

The weatherman spoke about how he completely missed Hurricane Katrina. He didn’t think he would ever be able to forgive himself for that oversight.

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I made it. I’m free. I can’t believe it. This is so great!

I can hear them talking below me. They think this is a tragedy and it’s making them sad. They suspect the tree was lurking to ensnare me. They couldn’t be more wrong. I saw my opportunity and I took it.

The lady’s concentration wavered for a second and I leapt on a surging updraft, into the arms of these branches. Then she pulled too hard and my “chains” broke. Now I’m sitting pretty, way up in the sky looking out over the bay, open air in almost all directions.

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North of the city, this past weekend, I eaves-dropped on the following conversation in a local diner.

MAN: Do ya suppose it’s okay to bury Barry in Barrie?

WOMAN: He wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

MAN: Bad how he bought it, though.

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