So far, I’ve spent time with the police, then time with the emergency task force and now I can’t find anybody to listen to what I have to say. Picking up from where I left off yesterday:
We wait until about 10 minutes past the hour when I’m supposed to start and by this time there are five people in the room – Kathy and me and three others who have straggled in to get a rest from walking around the show. Remember, this is a big trade show.
I rationalize that I’ll give my speech anyway, because it will be good practice, but with that low a number of people, it’s more of a conversation than a speech.
After about 15 minutes, it suddenly enters my consciousness that a cleaning woman has worked her way forward about half-way through the room. She’s actually been at her chores for quite a while. I decide to bring this to everybody’s attention.
I say, “I’ve never given a speech before when somebody is actually cleaning up while I’m talking.”
She says, quite nicely, “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I bothering you?”
I say, “No, not really. And since you’ve just increased the size of my audience by 33%, why don’t you stay.”
So she sits down and starts looking at my slides with more interest than anybody else.
Another ten minutes later, the alarm goes off again. I’m thinking, I simply can’t let any of these people leave.
So I keep talking, the lights keep flashing and the alarm is going “AWOOGA AWOOGA”.
We finally finished the session and I said, with as much good grace as I could muster, thank you for your “thunderous applause”, and I made my escape.
To add insult to injury, my own sister came to the conference. It was the first time she’s ever attended any function where I’ve made a presentation and even she went to a different session.
So now, whenever I’m speaking to a (sizable) gathering, I say, “Thank you for being here today. Although, remember, the score card is still out on how good an audience you are.”
****
Psychopathic thoughts lead naturally into another of my stories, One Shot in the Hot Seat, in which one of the Old West’s most notorious gunslingers opens up about his “life in the saddle”.
Or there’s the hilarity that’s even captured in the title of A Perfect Second Career for Their Golden Years – at Wal-Mart. There are certain celebrities who’ll enjoy a seamless retirement.
**
For my first book, “Two Scoops” Is Just Right, please click here for the paperback version and here for the Kindle e-book version.
For the sequel, “Three Scoops” Is A Blast! (with the award-winning “Size of the Skip”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle.
For “Four Scoops” Is Over The Top (containing Hemingway short-listed “Caboose Follies”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle.
And finally, for my latest book, “Five Scoops” Is An Addiction!, please click here for the paperback and here for the Kindle digital version.
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