This story picks up from yesterday when I started to describe one particularly strange day I had last fall while scheduled to make a public presentation. At this point, I’ve just said my good-byes to the police.
The show was in the Direct Energy Centre at the CNE grounds and because I was early, I parked right out front. I planned to go over my speech notes. I didn’t have a chance to practice the night before for some forgotten reason.
But then nature called. So I went into the building looking for a washroom. There was one sign reading washrooms this way (arrow pointing right) and another directly above it saying washrooms the other way (arrow pointing left). The building stretches about a quarter of a mile in either direction. After 10 minutes, I did find what I was looking for.
I don’t want to be indelicate or go into specifics, so let’s just say I found myself in a situation where I couldn’t go anywhere when the alarm went off – AWOOGA, AWOOGA. The lights are switching on and off and the alarm keeps going AWOOGA, AWOOGA. I think this will end soon, but it doesn’t.
I finally make my way back to the Jeep, and now I’ve got a front row seat as about 1,000 people leave the building and are standing around outside. The fire trucks pull up and the sound keeps blaring away. This lasts about an hour and I’m getting more and more anxious, because I realize this is moving the seminar schedule back. My stress level is maxing out.
Finally I go back into the building and find the speakers’ room. Conferences often have one or two rooms set aside for the media and speakers and they’re quieter and kind of relaxing. Except this time there’s another presenter who thinks he’s talking in the same room as I am, at the same time – Seminar Room B at 11:00 a.m. We get that sorted out, and by the way, I was right.
So 11:00 comes and I go to where I’m supposed to be, a little bit early. Kathy, who’s helping me with my audio-visual needs, says she’s got bad news. The fire department can’t get the lights to stop blinking in the room. Will I be able to concentrate?
I said, “That won’t be a problem. But Kathy, isn’t there worse news?”
She asks, “ What?”
And I say, “Well, look around. I don’t have an audience.”
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Farce and slapstick truly gain the upper hand in Ode to an Audience (Part 3).
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