A spate of public rudeness lately has raised the question of how society has come to this sorry pass. Kanye West in the world of hip hop, Serena Williams in tennis and Joe Wilson in Washington’s political hot house all stepped over the traditional bounds of civility in the past week. What are the trends that have taken us in this misdirection?
Upon first reflection, I blamed Omarosa. She was the one who was most unbearable in the opening season of Donald Trump’s “The Apprentice”. Unfortunately, it must be admitted that her wigged-out activities went a long way towards making that show a hit. We couldn’t take our eyes off her “train wreck”, whether we liked to admit it or not. Because bad behaviour pays, Omarosa has gone on to have a rewarding career.
But the history of behaving badly goes back much further than that. How about blaming running shoes? It was the “sneaker” companies and their ads – for example, “Just Do It” by Nike – that stressed attitude above all else. Politeness gets short shrift when “in your face” is the new mantra. Attitude has certainly been one artillery piece in the war to break down society’s norms and standards. But there’s more, based on popular culture.
Maybe it was the movie Animal House. That started a whole trend whereby stupidity, crass actions and the graceless came to be glorified by America’s youth. The problem is that the movie was really funny. And again, it paid off for its producers. Who doesn’t want to have a toga party? But the long-term consequences, well that’s another matter.
Outrageous behaviour in professional sports has been around forever. In tennis, it reached its apogee when Jimmy Connors and John McEnroe perfected their attention-grabbing and baby-gets-his-way performances. Now, some of the women players are getting in on the act as well. In the early days of golf championships, a tournament wasn’t complete until Tommy Bolt threw one or maybe all of his clubs into a pond in a fit of rage.
Awareness of anger in political forums has been on the rise due to news broadcasts of fisticuffs in far-away Parliaments. Going way back, when Brutus, Cassius and their buds got together and dispatched Caesar on the Ides of March, well that was certainly rude.
Personally, I’m more concerned about lack of good manners closer to home. On a day-to-day basis, there are two phrases that are starting to drive me crazy. People used to say “Excuse me, please” when they needed to get by and you were inadvertently in their way. It was a gentle request that usually solicited smiles by both parties and friendly nods.
Now, “Excuse me” (without the “please”) is usually a peremptory command and apparently means “Get out of my way, I’m coming through.” It’s the pedestrian equivalent of the driver who believes that he or she is the only one on the road or at least the only one who really counts.
Excuse me is often met with the phrase, “no problem”. In this context, I suppose it’s okay. But I cringe when I hear it from sales people in stores or waiters and waitresses serving in restaurants. Even when it is uttered in the cheeriest of voices, it grates.
When I make my request or place my order, I don’t expect it to be a problem. I’m just making the normal banter that would usually precede an exchange of goods or services. That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it, to fulfill my request? I’m not asking for that much.
When it comes right down to it, I don’t even care if it is a problem. Just do it (please). That’s what I’m paying for and it’s also what you’re being paid for. If you’re making a pittance, then speak to your manager. If you would rather be someplace else or talking with your fellow workers or just contemplating life in general, well then…. Wow, I’m really getting worked up here. I guess I’m the one being rude, now, according to most standards.
This whole thing about being civil to each other, it’s a challenge. There are nearly seven billion of us sentient and sensitive beings on earth, each as the centre of our own little universe. It’s a wonder we haven’t already bumped each other off. On second thought, maybe you had better get your licks in now while you still have the chance – Joe, Serena and Kanye. Just remember that the patience of some of the rest of us is hair-trigger too.
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According to its accompanying comments, this story set on New Year’s Eve, strikes a strong chord with readers: The Mechanized Sorting Day of the Dead.
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