Alex Carrick’s Blog

Paying attention to detail solved the case. There were several abnormalities to note about the two-foot-tall fish tank. A small amount of water had been displaced, as if someone’s arm had been inserted all the way; the ceramic castle on the bottom appeared to have been moved on its granular base, possibly for aesthetic reasons; the mosquito larvae and black worm food weren’t in their usual spot on the shelf; and the gold and silver angel fish were still active and alert quite a while after the estimated time of death of the corpse in the condo’s kitchen. None of these was conclusive on its own. The owner and chief fish wrangler could have performed these acts just before the last roundup, but the investigator on the case was used to following his hunches.

 

It seemed the murderer might know and love cichlids. A shared interest with the victim could explain the lack of forced entry. A beam of light shone on one particular suspect. Further investigation revealed motive and opportunity. The healthy fish were the dead giveaway.

 

Felix Bender punched the control button to turn off the police drama. Watching crime-solving shows was his chief form of relaxation. He particularly liked it when one particular clue, left behind by even the brightest of criminals, led to an arrest. This was the kind of attention to detail Felix wished he could summon up in his own life. But Felix was weak on the finer points. It wasn’t that there were many limits to his intelligence. Rather, he was readily distracted. Felix had big dreams and it was easier to fantasize about success than to do the grunt work.

 

It had been weeks since Felix truly relaxed. Not after his wife Charlene announced she was leaving him. For what must have been the hundredth time, he reviewed his life. His shortcomings in the matter of detail had been a curse, a blessing and then a curse once more.

 

As a young man, his failings caused him a great deal of consternation when it came to choosing a career. Almost all occupations require some level of focus on a limited number of observation points. Early on, Felix imagined what it would be like to train for law enforcement. A goodly portion of police procedural work involves honing one’s everyday observational skills. Who is entering or leaving a store, theatre or bank? Who is interacting with whom and in what manner on any given occasion? What is each person wearing? Be able to describe the appearance of the couple sitting across from you in a restaurant. There was no telling when this might become important after the commission of a crime. Felix soon realized he could not maintain focus. His thoughts dispersed in other directions too quickly.

 

He worked in the food service industry for a number of years. That seemed like it might offer interesting possibilities. There was no denying how much he liked food. The more exotic and piquant the better. Crème brulee, bouillabaisse, jambalaya, moo goo gai pan, baba ganoush, moussaka and shawarma were all delectable treats. But as for how to prepare them, they were all just foreign words to him. He was quickly lost in doubt as to when to add cinnamon, cardamom, ginger, nutmeg, savory or rosemary to a bubbling stew. Where he did shine was in observing the kinds of people who knew such things. He acquired an in-depth understanding of the personality types who were gourmands and chefs versus the meat-and-potatoes-choosing average joes. 

 

He thought he’d try auto sales for a while. He imagined himself driving a fancy car. But did he know all-wheel from four-wheel, the imports from the domestics, the esoterica of anti-lock braking and hi-tech electronic systems, hybrids versus plug-ins? More to the point, was he really interested? In a word, no. Did he quickly pick up on the character profiles of those who chose convenience or fuel efficiency as compared to off-road behemoths or luxury brands? Yes.

 

The same disinterest in detail limited his growth prospects along several other career paths. Lawyers, accountants, architects, engineers, doctors, real estate agents – these were all fact hoarders and detail grinders. By the time he was in his early 30s, Felix was beginning to despair over ever finding his true calling. He was feeling badly for Charlene who wanted a nice home and to start a family. It seemed that everyone else in the world had a purpose and an interest.

 

Felix became depressed and drilled inward for an answer to his dilemma. Possessed of rather shallow emotions, that seemed like arid ground. The opposite proved to be true. As occasionally happens in life, the unexpected poked up and bestowed a blessing on one of fate’s chosen favorites.

 

Felix began a journal about his crisis and how he was dealing with it. From somewhere deep within, he happened upon humor as the best approach. He pitched his work-in-progress to a self-help publisher. You Might As Well Have Some Fun While You Go Nuts was the rather long but catchy title of his opus. Its major message was that people caught in overwhelming circumstances should change the pronoun “you” to “I” in the title and repeat it, or even sing it, over and over. Felix’s refrain provided a mantra barrier to hold back the abyss.

 

The power of suggestion contained in the phraseology really did turn some people’s lives around. Felix’s pop psychology was a huge hit. He chose to present himself not as a man who sees a glass either half-full or half-empty but as one who judges it to contain the right amount of fluid to soak one’s dentures in overnight. His musings crossed over into cultural phenomenon.

 

That’s when the talent agent Shannon came into the life of Felix and the on-air persona of Fuzzy was born. Shannon had been retained by a local TV station to find an afternoon host to interview guests about their personal problems of a work, family or romantic nature. Felix adopted the stage-name “Fuzzy” with one intention only, to name the show “Fuzzy on the Details”. It was to be a slightly more light hearted approach that would differentiate it from the other tear-your-soul-apart offerings on the airwaves. The owners of the station jumped at the opportunity.

 

The show proposed that it was sometimes better not to know all the details. Drop obsession, achieve closure and move on with a freer frame of mind if at all possible. Young and dynamic Shannon and her executive husband Phil quickly became best friends with Felix and Charlene. 

 

In no time at all, Fuzzy’s wit, charm and novel approach were winning viewers at an impressive rate. The show moved from local to national, with notoriety and attention in lock step. Fuzzy became the nation’s favorite relationship guru. Much of the subject matter was outrageous. One of the first guests was a man who was sure his neighbour’s son was on drugs. Confronting the neighbor, however, harvested a bitter fruit. In a classic combination of “not as it seems” and “people in glass houses”, it was eventually revealed the supplier was the man’s daughter.

 

Then there was the lady who knew too much about what everyone else at her workplace was doing. Having a strong record of applying herself to the task at hand and resentful over what others might be getting away with, she started secretly monitoring her co-workers. So-and-so in production was leaving fifteen minutes early for lunch each day. Several clerks in accounts receivable were shaving their departure times to arrive early at the gym. Too many employees weren’t reporting accurately on sick days and vacation time. She took this intelligence to her boss but in the final analysis, it was her spying that was most upsetting to the company and she was the one let go. The show preached steadily on the need to accept some of the flaws of others.

 

Fame and fortune were Felix’s new companions. He was able to realize many of his fantasies. But perfection was not about to last forever in Fuzzyland, as Felix would soon discover.

 

A little over two years into his new life, Felix arrived home as per usual just before dinner. He kept regular hours since the broadcast was taped in the morning, leaving the afternoon to prepare for the next day.

 

Charlene was waiting for him with a chilled open bottle of Lowenbrau. She asked him to join her in the study of their new home. There was something she wanted to discuss and she needed his relationship expertise.

 

When they were settled, Charlene broached an awkward subject. “Shannon’s been behaving strangely lately.”

 

“Really? Why do you say that?”

 

“She’s not available. You know I drive into town to have lunch with her on a regular basis. On several recent occasions, she’s called at the last minute to cancel.”

 

“That’s not so unusual.”

 

“I was okay with it in the beginning. But her excuses are becoming flimsier.”

 

“How so?”

 

“Well, first she had to rush to her sick mother’s side. Then it was her sister who was ill. More recently, it’s been a constant stream of car trouble. She needed an oil change one week. Then her tires had to be rotated. I thought it might be because I’d done something to upset her and she doesn’t like me anymore. I was afraid to discuss it with you because you two have such a close working relationship.”

 

“I can’t imagine that’s true. And she has been talking about having car trouble and illness in the family.”

 

“But then I started paying more attention to your show.”

 

“Oh? And where did that lead?”

 

“I came to the conclusion she’s having an affair.”

 

“That doesn’t sound like Shannon. I doubt that very much. She and Phil are very close.”

 

“You had a lady guest a couple of weeks ago who suspected her husband might be cheating on her. Remember how the discussion went?” 

 

“Vaguely.”

 

“You said that it would be easy to know. There would be numerous tell-tale signs. If both parties were married, which was likely, they would need to meet in a hotel room. That would mean someplace close at hand if they were co-workers. Gifts as a sign of affection would be ticking time bombs. They’d have to be careful about where any expenses would appear, on credit cards or bank statements. You were quite specific and gave her a lot of clues to watch out for. ”

 

“Thank you. I really do try to help my viewers.”

 

“Last week, I finally did call you at work after Shannon cancelled. I was upset and wanted to talk with you about it. You weren’t available. Later you said that you’d been tied up with Sid in accounting from 2 pm to 3 pm.”

 

“That’s right. We went over advertising accounts and where we might be able to pick up some new sponsors. I even told you some of the firms we think are the best prospects. ”

 

“Then yesterday when Shannon backed out again, I tried to reach you and only got your phone mail. Apparently there was a meeting with the honchos from corporate all afternoon. You came home and acted out their three-man dog and pony show, word for word. It was quite amusing.”

 

“So?”

 

“You’re the one Shannon is having the affair with.”

 

“What do you mean? That’s ridiculous. Do you have any evidence?”

 

“You mean like lipstick on the collar or a lingering scent of perfume or a hotel charge?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I have all the evidence I need. There’s no point in denying it.”

 

Felix said with a crestfallen expression, “How can you be so sure?”

 

A wistful smile fleetingly crossed Charlene’s face. “Because I’m your wife and I still know you better than anyone else, Felix or Fuzzy or whoever you think you’re becoming with your new celebrity status. When it comes to your missing whereabouts, you’re no longer vague with the details.”

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In Caboose Follies, there’s another story about a young man trying to steer his way through life with the help of a faulty moral compass. It’s an award-winner.

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For my first book, “Two Scoops” Is Just Right, please click here for the paperback version and here for the Kindle e-book version.

For the sequel, “Three Scoops” Is A Blast! (with the award-winning “Size of the Skip”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle.

For “Four Scoops” Is Over The Top (containing Hemingway short-listed “Caboose Follies”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle.

And finally, for my latest book, “Five Scoops” Is An Addiction!, please click here for the paperback and here for the Kindle digital version.

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