Over the weekend, I had some fun imagining how certain celebrities and politicians would seem to be ideally suited for second careers, in their golden years, as “greeters” at Wal-Mart. Try to imagine being met by these people and these words on your way into the store.
Britney Spears…“No, I’m sorry; I don’t know where the underwear department is.”
Paris Hilton…“Yes I can direct you to video equipment. Let’s go together and see what we can film.”
Jeff Probst…“Immunity idols are on sale at X-aisle’s island.”
Donald Trump…“George the manager says to me, “You’re fired.” I say to him, “No, you’re fired.” So, to answer your question, yes I am still working here.”
Any of the cast members of the TV show Lost…“Are you lost?”
Dr. Phil (working the “returns” counter)…“How’s that working for you?”
George W. Bush…“I know we sell weapons of mass destruction, but I can’t find them.”
Alan Greenspan…“Spend, spend, spend!”
Barack Obama…“What matters most is good judgement. You’ve made the right decision in coming to Wal-Mart.”
Hillary Clinton…“Experience is what counts. Talk is cheap. So are we.”
Vanna White…“We sell everything but vowels.”
The Queen of England…“It is truly wonderful to see that you have brought your adorable children with you today. I am always so pleased when Charles and Camilla come shopping with me.”
Stephen Harper…“I used to be the Prime Minister of Canada. Now is there anything I can help you with today?”
Simon Cowell…“Listen sweetheart, I can take you to the karaoke machines, but that won’t lead to Entertainment.”
Paula Abdul…“What I like about you, even without your teeth and in this lighting, you still shine.”
Randy Jackson (at the check-out counter)…“Yo dawg, whassup? Check it out. How do you think you did?”
None of this is meant as a slam against Wal-Mart or its customers. It’s just for amusement. Donna and I shop there all the time. We really appreciate the bargains and the variety.
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Due to overwhelming demand (which has nearly emptied the shelves), there is more similar nonsense in Celebrity Greeters at Wal-Mart Continued.
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